Don’t you just hate when somebody lives their life a certain way and wants to make you ‘just like them’. Vegans who feel the need to put you off your food, and city centre preachers who damn you to hell for your sins. Can’t stand them, myself. Which is why I’m not going to write a post explaining all the reasons why your decision not to travel the world is wrong, I’m going to tell you exactly why you’re right to curl up with a good book and forget that the rest of the world is out there. Don’t even think about leaving your comfort zone, you’ll totally regret it…
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It will cost you money
Money in the bank is like a flower blossoming in a pot on your windowsill. It’s there to be looked at, so you can enjoy watching it grow. Travelling will mean spending some or all of your hard earned cash. What a waste.

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You’re not good at packing
Remember coming home from school each day and having to unpack your books and get your bag ready for tomorrow – Now times that by a 70L backpack full of all of your belongings – Eugh! What a chore. So not worth it.

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You’re too busy to stop what you’re doing
Those reports won’t write themselves by Monday morning, yeah, you’re way too busy to go off gallivanting around the world “enjoying yourself” – Think about all that exciting work you could be missing out on at home.

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You can’t read a map
The streets might be really complicated, or worse, there might not even be streets! And there could be places you can’t find on Google and will have to get lost to find your way again, sounds scary. Don’t put yourself through that unnecessary stress of stumbling across somewhere unexpected.

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You might not like the food
What if you go somewhere people are eating things you’ve never tried? Can you even imagine a worse experience than trying something unfamiliar? Granted, something other people eat every day and come to zero harm, but what if you don’t like it? It would be a total DISASTER!

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FOMO
What if somebody you know has a birthday/gets married/has a child and you’re not there because you were too busy selfishly living your own life? You might end up missing out on a party at home that would have been enjoyable. The world can wait. You’ve got some important local stuff to do.

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You have a really nice car
You’ve not long bought it, what will happen to it if you’re not the one driving it anymore? What if you can never get another car quite like it again? It might be the only one of its kind!

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You might not like other countries
You’re probably right, you like your local, and you know your way to the shops. Other countries might be *GULP* different *SHUDDER*.

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Other beds won’t be as comfortable
I know what you mean, I rue the day I left home, some nights I barely get any sleep at all, and that’s what life is about really. Sleeping comfortably.

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They might not have a McDonald’s
OH EM GEE…

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Your passport will get damaged
Remember that funny little book you paid a day’s wages for? The one you had to use as ID that time you were banned from driving? You should protect that thing with your life, nobody fully understands quite what it’s for, but if you leave home you are risking somebody defacing it with all sorts of ink and scribbles. Keep it in a locked drawer, nice and safe.

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Because everybody hates a tourist
Jarvis Cocker was right, you’ll probably find that everybody hates you anyway.

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You’ve already got too many friends
You already have over 500 friends on Facebook, how would you even keep track of all the extra posts if you had more friends? Besides, your friends at home do all the same things as you do, so they’re the only people you’d ever want to hang out with anyway.

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You might die
There is probably more chance of you dying if you’re in a different country, it’s not worth the risk. Why don’t you just pop out to the garden for a cigarette and have a think about some nice homely ways to die that you’d be more comfortable with?

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You only speak one language
What if you really need to use the bathroom and can’t find another English speaker? Man, I don’t even know how I’ve coped all this time. You’re right, it’s absolutely not worth the risk.

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You already know everything you need to
Life has been hard on you and has taught you many things so far. What more learning could you possibly fit in your brain? You probably won’t understand any more new things anyway, and you probably don’t need to know about them. In fact, if you just stay put, there at the kitchen table, you’ll never need to learn a new thing.

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The weather might be different
Check out the forecast for the week. Nowhere is better than where you are right now. Don’t waste your time.

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Your quality of life couldn’t possibly improve
I hear ya, life right now is as good as it gets and there is nothing more out there. Your local scene is exquisite. Why try to add more flavour to your life when it already tastes so good!

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Nobody you know wants to go with you
If you can’t think of anybody to go with then absolutely DO NOT take a journey alone. You probably won’t know what to do and there’s absolutely no chance whatsoever of having a good time with any new people you meet along the way.

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There might not be a familiar supermarket
Nowhere else in the world will you find your favourite brand of olives. You’d just miss them so much!

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You might not be able to get phone signal
What on earth will Facebook do without you? If you’re not there to like and comment on your besties selfies she might never speak to you again! If you’re too busy enjoying an incredible sunset to scroll through the latest posts, what might you miss?

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Planes are scary
You’re safer on the ground, where nobody ever gets hurt. Stay put buddy.

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The world is scary
The town you live in right now is actually immune to all of the threats from the outside world. Nothing can touch you there.

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You might need vaccinations – needles are scary
BAAAHH! NEEDLES!! Don’t do it! Don’t put yourself through that three seconds of perceived pain, no good can come of it! You don’t need to visit under-developed countries, you’re already happy enough. No needles, thank you!

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You’ll probably never forget about it
There is a chance, a very slim chance, but a chance all the same, that taking the trip of a lifetime could actually result in you having too much fun. You could find that you enjoy yourself so much that you can never be truly satisfied with your old life again. You might just discover that you’re actually not even the person you thought you were all these years. And that, that would be a true tragedy, you would have to embrace change, and that… That truly is THE hardest thing about travelling the world. You might actually enjoy it so much, that you just can’t stop…
“The journey is the destination” – Dan Eldon
OMG I might just have to leave again😀
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Thoroughly enjoyed this post. Just the right level of snark. Thanks for sharing!
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Love it! Keep up the great work! 🙂 Can’t beat good old sarcasm
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You know after reading this, I’ve realized where I went wrong – Dammit I knew I shouldn’t have packed up 5 and a half years ago to travel, I should have just stayed at home and watched TV – haha love this post 😀
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Ridiculous idea, what on earth were you thinking?! 5 1/2 years though, wow! Hope you’re still living the dream on the road somewhere
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Haha I know right ? …well I’ve actually returned home to England for a longer pit stop than usual …but funny u say living g the dream ….my latest blog is about how my dream of traveling has turned into normal life haha
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Haha, sounds familiar! I’ll have to check that one out!
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Packing my bag and off i go
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Totally savored the experience of this post. Essentially the right level of snark. Thankful for sharing!….
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